i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have fence marks all over my body
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
