I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
