Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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