my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
