6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pooping to opera.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
