My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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