I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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