On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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