she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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