Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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