it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
