I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize