Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk is a universal language darling
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
