Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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