bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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