I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
