Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
