so explain again why im purple
no
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
