Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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