Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
