ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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