In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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