Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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