She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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