I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
