Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
