I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
