you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize