I just gift wrapped bread.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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