Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think i got beer on your cat.
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