i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
