we're blogging at a bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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