just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
