i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
