We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
