How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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