i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
