I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
