nut hugger
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
