I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
