I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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