I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
