My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
