dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
