You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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