if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
