FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
