I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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