Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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