I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
