I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
