Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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