I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
