Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize