Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize