i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
