I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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