After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That accounts for only three of the penises
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
