I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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