Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
