I wish I could punch you in the face.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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