Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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