having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
