i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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