So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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