I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
