are you still at the devil's house?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
