I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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