So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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