He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
