We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
