you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
