tell your sister to shave her snatch
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
