You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
