Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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