I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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