I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
