Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
