There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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