some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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