sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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