I faked an abortion last night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize