your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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