At least make sure they are 18
Why
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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