My balls are so social today.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
