Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
