Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
