so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
