I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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